Big sister

Big sister definitely came to us with a mind of her own.  She wants to do things her way.  Every day has us trying to find the balance between encouraging this part of her personality and teaching her that she doesn't always get her way.  A couple months ago, we weren't striking any sort of balance anywhere.  Let's start with the beginning.  Last year, she started getting picky about jeans.  There was a very specific type of skinny jean from Children's Place that she decided she liked.  She only had a few of them.  This year, she hadn't grown enough to be in the next size.  But, since jeans are $8 during back to school sales, I decided to be a nice mom and purchase several pairs of the jeans she claimed to prefer.  She wore them for most of September just fine.  Sometime at the beginning of October, she decided she hated them.  With every fiber of her being.  There was a 2 week period where she left the house for school crying Every. Single. Morning.  She couldn't specifically say what bugged her, just that they bugged her.  Tantrums like I haven't seen in a while.  I noticed she was pulling on her underwear all the time, so we tried new underwear.  Which worked for 1 day.  One.  She finally decided that the waist on the jeans was what was bugging her.  They have the adjustable waist, but the bunching that caused bugged her.  Okay then.  I pulled out some of the slim fits that I bought her last year.  The waist was perfect, but the legs are too tight.  Which I totally get!  I usually have to take my jeans in an inch or two.  They don't make jeans for short people with real hips and thighs.  If you're petite, that must mean you're petite everywhere!  I have to buy jeans that are too big in the waist so they'll fit everywhere else.  I learned this little trick and it works like a charm.  So I decided to try it on big sister's jeans.  I just did a couple to see if it'd work.  NOPE.  Well, okay, it worked.  But big sister threw a fit (seriously, FIT) over the small bumps in the back.  This child has such sensory issues when it comes to clothes.  I couldn't understand what was going on - these are the jeans she begged me to buy more of last year!  What the heck happened!  Husband finally pointed out that I bought her jean shorts from another store over the summer.  Those fit her perfectly without the adjustable waist, so she probably just got used to that.  Ah.  There's our problem.  I really, really did not want to just buy her new jeans.  However, this meltdown every stinking morning could not continue for the whole school year.  So I bought her 5 new pairs of jeans from the other store.  She had to do a serious extra job to earn each pair, and she couldn't wear them until she'd done the extra jobs.  All is now well in the getting-dressed-for-school department.  Phew.  In the midst of all this, though, Husband and I had some serious conversations about this child and her anxieties and anger issues.  I was beginning to wonder if she needed a therapist to help teach her how to keep herself under control.  We were totally at a loss.  We fasted and prayed and prayed and prayed.  I finally decided to look up some books at the library.  I found a few, but there was one particular book that was meant for her to read.  It's called How to Take the Grrr Out of Anger.  I checked it out and we read 1 chapter during our nightly reading time before bed.  She loved it, and always wanted to read more.  I love that it was written on her level.  And with both of us reading together, we got to discuss things that we both have a hard time with.  After a few days, I noticed her trying very hard to implement what she'd learned.  She'd still get angry, but she was trying to control it.  Not successful all the time, but who is honestly?  It has made a huge difference.  Her meltdowns are becoming fewer and farther between, and she is expressing her feelings with words instead of screaming.  When she does break down, she is able to discuss things calmly after she has a few minutes.  We're both able to admit things we can do better, and she's accepting of the fact that I am not a professional mom, so I'm just learning, too.  So glad we found this resource for her!