On voicing concerns...

So about a little over a month ago, we had some school issues with Big Sister. She mentioned at dinner that she was nervous about school the next day. She had looked to the next page in her math book and saw that it was subtraction. She was nervous because she had never done subtraction before. We reassured her several times that she would learn how, and that her teacher would certainly show her how to do it. When I picked her up the next day, I discovered that I had been made into a liar. Big sister was upset and said that nobody would show her how to do subtraction so she didn't learn it. Poor thing was stressed. I asked if the teacher showed the class how to do subtraction and she said no. She said they work on their math book as groups and she isn't supposed to ask for help because the teacher is too busy. I thought she must be exaggerating, but the little girl we carpool with, who had the same teacher last year, assured me that Big sister was not exaggerating and that was how she did math last year. I was flabbergasted. Surely a teacher wouldn't "teach" by giving a kid a book and telling them to have at it and not to bother them teacher. I found that unacceptable. I sent an email to the teacher expressing my concerns. She spoke to big sister that day, but big sister said she didn’t understand what she was saying. She also reassured the entire class that she is willing to help them any time, except when she is helping the other students at the little table. Which seems a contradiction to me. In the same sentence, she is saying that she is available and unavailable. I asked Big sister if she believed that her teacher will help her if she needs it, and she said no. Great.

The teacher did call me on the phone after school, but it was less than helpful. I couldn’t understand half of what the woman said. She was going on and on about how she teaches math, using mainly technical words like “spiral method”, “number lines”, “manipulatives”. Those are only the ones that I actually understood. I am perfectly fine with the fact that the way math is taught these days differs from how I learned twenty-some-odd years ago. The teacher stated in her phone call that Big sister is one of several over-achievers in her class who “freaks out” if she doesn’t understand right away. She kept repeating, also, that the things they are learning are for practice, not for mastery. I recognize that my daughter gets a little too upset sometimes, and I have to calm her down and tell her that it’s okay not to get it at first. But big sister's frustration that day was that she couldn’t do her math because nobody had taught her how to do it. My child does want to master these skills. She is eager to learn. Telling my child to lower the standards she has set for herself at 6 years old is inappropriate. The teacher also told me that Big sister's scores are very high, and she’s above grade level in almost everything. The impression that left me with was that Big sister has achieved the levels required by the first grade, and doesn’t need to learn anything else for the rest of the year. I don’t feel my child should be “punished” for working hard and learning fast. I understand that the teacher cannot be a private tutor with so many other kids in the class. In this particular situation, big sister needed about 2 minutes to be shown how to do subtraction, and she would have continued moving forward with math on her own as she tells me she has done most of the year.

I simply wanted 2 things from the teacher. #1, for her to assure me that she does actually do some sort of demonstration with the class and doesn’t just expect them to learn from the book. #2, to assure me she would make sure that my daughter would feel comfortable coming to her with a problem. I didn’t get either of those things. I got a bunch of technical mumbo-jumbo as a defense of how she teaches math. When she would finally pause for a moment, I would state that I understood that, but I was still concerned that my daughter did not believe she could go to her teacher for help. I wanted to know what her solution to that problem was, and all she could do was defend how she teaches math. I felt she completely missed the point. After 3 rounds of her talking and me still voicing the concerns she had not really addressed, she finally stated that it sounded to her like I was determined to be mad and that I should set up a meeting with the principal.

I am not determined to be mad. I did not rant and rave at her, I was calmly stating my concerns. I am sure that the annoyance I felt at having to repeat myself so much was ill-disguised, but I never yelled or got out of control. It seems to me that she is incapable of admitting that she perhaps needs to change something here or there to make the learning environment in her classroom better. She claims that she simply does not have time to teach everyone individually. I understand that. If she is struggling that much, though, she needs to be better utilizing the very willing parents who have signed up to volunteer.

At the beginning of the school year, when we found out who Big sister's teacher would be, I received many cautions from several different neighbors. General comments of “Oh, watch out for her, she’s not a good teacher.”, “I think my daughter only survived because she taught herself.”, “She did nothing about a serious bullying situation.”, etc., were the only things I heard from people who had her last year. Some people told me I should try to move her to the other class. I was concerned but determined to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and try not to judge her prematurely based on hearsay. My daughter is well-behaved, smart, and driven to learn, so I figured she should be just fine. I think I was wrong. I have never seen any math homework, so I did not know what they were working on. If I had, I would have been helping her at home. I will continue to help her at home, but I have to wonder what the point of sending her to school is.

I did go and speak to the principal. There is a specialist in the district that will be coming once a week to be sure Big sister is being challenged enough. The principal was very good about understanding the problem and stating blatantly that some of the things the teacher said/did were not appropriate at all. She mentioned that the teacher has been going through serious personal stuff this year, and that the principal has been monitoring her to make sure it doesn't effect her teaching. She said it is obvious that it is effecting her teaching and that she would be addressing that. She also brought Big sister in to chat with her and big sister felt so much better afterward. The teacher has since been absent for over a month. I received a letter yesterday stating that she is "in the care of a physician" and will probably be gone for several more weeks. Some of the other parents I have spoken to were worried about costing this woman her job by going to the principal. It's not that easy to get rid of a bad teacher. I didn't necessarily want her fired, I just wanted her to adjust her teaching methods that were clearly not working. The principal took it as an opportunity to force her to get the help she obviously needs for whatever problems she's having. Any other job would probably have let her go by now, but despite a very prolonged absence, she'll still have a job if/when she comes back. And hopefully she will be a better teacher for it. I have to say, I am glad I voiced my concerns!