This little light of mine...

Doesn't this face just melt you?  Those puppy dog brown eyes?  Oh, how I love this little boy.  Big brother turns 5 tomorrow.  It's so hard to believe it's been 5 years since they placed this chubby little boulder of a boy in my arms.  He stole my heart long before he was born.  This boy has tested the limits of my patience and expanded my heart at the same time.  His challenges are many at this point, but he is still a very happy guy who just loves life and pretty much everything about it.  We recently decided to try adding private speech therapy to his list of weekly activities.  I'd already done some research last year, but we'd decided to see how he progressed before investing in that.  It's freaking expensive.  As we get closer to July and therefore kindergarten, I just still don't know quite how to proceed with his education.  After lots of fasting and praying, I finally felt a little nudge in the direction of completing my research on a private therapist.  We found this sweet lady who is only a few blocks away from us.  She left working for the schools because she was tired of watching kids fall through the cracks.  She started her practice in her home and keeps her costs low in order to help those same kiddos.  I took big brother for an evaluation a couple weeks ago.  As expected, he was not okay with this.  She had said that I could stay, but I knew he'd do better if I left.  He screamed all the way to her office, and I had to drag him.  *sigh* But at the end of the hour, he came out to the car all smiles and holding his teacher's hand.  She told me it was an interesting evaluation.  He had calmed down after a few minutes (as I knew he would) and had passed the first few items on the articulation test with flying colors.  She was beginning to think I was just a hyper mommy when she started discovering the holes.  He couldn't tell her what a towel was used for.  I know he knows, 'cuz we do bathe him regularly!  He just kept telling her "It's upstairs."  In absence of knowing how to tell her what it's used for, he compensated by telling her where it is.  And several more examples like that.  She was excited to figure out the results and come up with a plan.  Last weekend Husband got to take him since I wasn't home from Reno yet.  Big brother was excited to go and told Husband on the way there "I'm not crying!"  Funny boy.  She worked with him and at the end of the session discussed the results of the evaluation with Husband.  His articulation skills are in the 18th percentile.  How much he understands of what people say to him is in the 5th percentile.  How much he can express his own thoughts and feelings is in the 3rd percentile.  Combining all of that, our boy has the communication skills of a 3 1/2 year old.  So my concerns have been validated.  She told Husband big brother will likely not qualify for services through the district next year.  They only have so much funding, so only kids at the 1st percentile and below receive help.  Cracks, my friends.  Huge cracks.  She is confident she can help him.  He is eager to learn and very bright.  So I feel like we're doing the right thing - there is hope that he will be able to increase his skills to the level of his peers.  That will be miraculous, and I'm sure it will happen.  But I think the decision is all but made about kindergarten.  You can't send a 3-year-old to kindergarten, and that's what I'd be doing.  Not fair to the teacher, and totally unfair to big brother.  We'll probably be doing another year of preschool combined with the speech therapy.  And so on the eve of his 5th birthday, I wax a little nostalgic.  I love this boy.  He is just a delight to anyone who meets him.  He brings such light to my life!  He loves to play, loves to laugh, loves to hug, loves to wrestle his Daddy.  He gets frustrated, for sure.  But he just keeps trying, and so I will keep trying, too.  And anyway, how could you not love this face?