In which we discuss Big Brother's IEP

Last Thursday was the big IEP meeting for big brother.  Back in November, I had discussed with his teacher that because he was so in-between on his tests, holding off on Kindergarten for a year might be a good idea for him.  He's progressed since then, but after taking him to the private therapist I've been leaning more towards holding off for a year.  Still no definite decision.  I usually like IEP meetings because the preschool little sister and big brother have gone to have such awesome teachers. I was actually looking forward to this meeting and hearing what his teachers had to say.  This meeting combined all of the team that has been working with him for two years, plus someone from the district who ensures that everything is done exactly right for legal purposes.  The district person I have had in the past was fantastic.  This lady...not so much.  Anyway.  His teacher showed me how far he's come.  Almost everything they tested was within a normal range.  The 4 areas they test for communication, however were in the 1st and 2nd percentiles.  With the biggest portion of that communication ability being in the .2 percentile.  Yes, that says point two.  Because of that, he still qualifies for services.  The district lady kind of took over, noting that he knows all his letters and numbers.  He could be reading by the end of the Summer if I work with him!!  Yeah, I think he could.  He could read, just not out loud.  I mentioned that he does know his letters, but he can't blend them.  She tried to tell me that is something they teach in Kindergarten.  I was baffled until I realized she was still talking about reading.  I explained to her that they don't teach kids how to talk in Kindergarten, last I checked.  He can't make those sounds with his mouth at all.  She tried to tell me I couldn't hold him back, and if I did that they would force me to send him to first grade the following year.  I don't know what meeting she was in, but she didn't know what she was talking about in the meeting I was in.  She was determined to convince me to send big brother to Kindergarten this year because he is clearly ready.  Really?  Have you worked with my son directly?  Do you live with him?  Have you done anything besides look at his test results?  And are you realizing that his communication skills are still that of a 3 1/2 year old?  That's the big one to me.  If he can't understand directions, and can't explain that he doesn't understand, that poses a big problem.  Especially where here in Utah the class sizes are upwards of 20 kids.  She mentioned that his IEP would automatically go to first grade when I do send him, if I were to hold him back.  I said "So, regardless of his actual skill level, they will force him to have an IEP on a normal first grade level?  Doesn't that defeat the whole point of an IEP?"  She did seem to realize that was idiotic and said she'd have to look up the law.  I mentioned that if he does preschool one more year combined with the speech therapy, he probably won't even need an IEP because he'll be on level with his peers.  Wouldn't that be better?  I watched kids in little sister's kindergarten class get pulled out for speech therapy and other such things.  And I watched all year as they had to play catch up all the time.  They were already behind, and then they get taken out of the classroom, and then they have to try and figure out what was going on while they were gone.  If big brother still needs that after another year of therapy, so be it.  But if one more year will eliminate that problem, why should I make him go now just because he's technically old enough?  She said yes, but what if he still needs help?  Well then, I guess we'll have the school evaluate him for a new IEP, won't we.  Which they'd have to do anyway if I send him this July.  Grrr.  His teacher wasn't saying much, probably 'cuz she's only been there a year and when the district people come in they are kind of in charge.  So I get that.  I finally started ignoring Ms. District Lady.  It definitely felt like I knew more about my son's rights and the programs than she did.  Doesn't really inspire confidence in her.  She did finally discover that I was right about it not being against the law or detrimental to the IEP if I hold him back.  No kidding.  Kindergarten isn't legally required, y'know.  Yeesh.  I was less than thrilled.  Fortunately, I am not easily influenced by this kind of crap.  I live with my son.  I have fasted and prayed and pondered and worried over how to best help him.  I am his mother, and I know what's best for him.  Or in this case, even though I'm still unsure, I still know better than someone who's only seen his test results.  So while I was annoyed at this lady, it didn't cause me more worry.  I will ignore her completely and continue doing what I think is best, which has always been my approach with all my children.  I still haven't made a final decision.  School starts at the end of July and a lot could happen between now and then.  The first week the kindergarteners actually just come in by appointment to do testing so that the teachers know what they're working with.  I may decide to let him do that testing and discuss the results with whoever his teacher is.  I can decide at that point whether or not to send him, and it might be nice to have the kindergarten teacher's input.  We'll see.  I'm still leaning more towards one more year, despite Ms. District Lady's advice.