Communication and the "ginky"

I have been reflecting recently on the fact that 2 of my children have had communication/speech delays. My oldest hit all the regular milestones she was supposed to either on time or a little early. These other 2 have thrown me for a bit of a loop. I am so glad for the early intervention program. It's amazing to me what a difference that has made for little sister. Big brother has made a lot of progress, too. I am also glad that we started big brother earlier than we did little sister, because even with all the progress it's still hard to communicate with him. I have had a few people tell me that it's not really necessary, all this extra help, because they would eventually catch up anyway. They knew somebody who didn't talk 'till they were 3, and then they just started talking. While I think that's true, what perhaps these people don't understand is that I really want to be able to communicate with my children. They can be so frustrating even if they do understand what's going on. It's so much worse if they don't understand. Little sister would throw the most amazing fits. It didn't take long for me to learn that trying to talk to her would make it worse. I think she would get more frustrated when I tried to calm her because she didn't understand me. I think I would get more upset, too. So we would put her on her bed and let her scream it out. Sometimes, other well-meaning people would try to intervene, thinking that surely they could calm her down. They were always surprised to discover that I wasn't kidding when I said it wouldn't help. It wasn't that I enjoyed listening to her scream, it was just that I had to let her calm herself down. Potty training was out of the question until she could communicate enough to understand how it worked. It is a little miraculous now that I can usually just talk to her when she's upset to help her calm down, and she becomes calm. So while she probably would have eventually gotten to the point where she could talk just fine, isn't it better that I didn't have to wait?
I feel the same way with big brother. He gets so very frustrated sometimes and I hate that I can't explain what's going on to him. Case in point: He loves his binky, or as he calls it "ginky." Please don't go all judgmental on me. Both he and little sister had binky's which could be a link to their lack of communication except that they are/were only allowed to have it when they were going to bed. I'm failing to see where that would affect speech. And the therapists assure me that was not the issue. Anyway. The boy is almost 3. I have held onto the binky because he still needs a nap, and the binky guarantees that he will take one. But it is kind of getting to be time. He is starting to not need a nap every day, and will be starting the special needs preschool soon. I figured it's time to get rid of it. I've had other friends tell me how it's not really a big deal, they bribe their kids with a special toy if they'll get rid of the binky, or the binky fairy comes and takes the binky away, sometimes leaving behind a treat or toy. Some people are able to convince their kid that the binky is for babies, and the kid doesn't want to be a baby anymore so they cut it or throw it away willingly. Since my son does not communicate, we just have to take it away. I threw them all in the gross outside garbage, because I knew I'd be sorely tempted to retrieve them. I was right. He screamed for about 30 minutes last night, calling out for his ginky in the saddest little voice. When I went to put him in his bed after he fell asleep by his door, a little cry came out in his sleep. He woke up around 2:30am. Normally, he would just put his ginky back in and go back to sleep. But since it wasn't there, he just screamed. Husband finally went in and rocked him to sleep. I wish I could try some of those other methods, but he just simply doesn't comprehend enough for me to do so. All day yesterday he kept asking where his ginky was, and when I would say "They're all gone" he would just look at me very confused. Poor little guy. I know that in a few more days, he'll be used to it and go down without a fight. But this is why I participate in early intervention. My children have a disability that can be completely reversed. I have a greater sympathy for those mothers of children whose disability is not so easily remedied. I want to be able to talk to my children, and I am grateful that there are programs out there that help me to make that happen. Not being able to communicate is so frustrating!